Dinner 2004

Our Latest Event - The "Minutes"

The 2004 Dinner - The Funilympics

Wines and Goodies

The date of the 2004 dinner was moved forward by one week from the usual, due to the upcoming wedding of Cate Macleod. Fortunately, this allowed us to celebrate a dinner in collaboration with our Athenian counterparts, who were having some sort of party at the same time. To begin, please allow me to give a little background on...

The Funilympic Flag: The five rings of the Funilympic Dish Towel flag, inspired by the overlapping tablecloth rings left by wine bottles, represent the five geographic areas of Funidom: Halifax (Red for its finances), Dartmouth (Black for its Deepest Darkest aspects), Mahone Bay (Blue for its water), Paradise (Green for its gardens) and White Point Beach (Yellow for its being the only one left).

The Funilympic Creed: (Attributed to Baron Pierre de Coubertin Perina) "The most important thing in the Funilympics is not to gorge oneself but to take one's portion, just as the most important thing in life is not the hangover but the sipping. The essential thing is not to have overeaten but to have dined well."

The Funilympic Motto: "Pendulum Altum Passuum" is Latin for "Clock regulator, Curiously strong mint, Expulsion of gas" but is universally accepted to mean "Hang 'Em High."

The Funilympic Oath: is usually taken on the occasion of spilling a stain-causing course on one's clothing. "Damn!" is the usual oath, although other oaths have been used on occasion.

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21/22 August 2004

Hosts: Mr. & Mrs. Gillis
Toastmaster: Mr. Flute
Regrets: Absent due to a "conflicting event" that covered up their probable inability to pass drug screening were Mr. and Mrs. Macleod.
Official Mascots: Sadie and Sarge

The Funilympics got underway at approximately 7:15 with the customary marching in of the athletes resplendent in their uniforms (some of which featured ties) to assemble for the traditional poolside photo, despite threatening weather. Security was tight, after the Department of Funiland Security issued an "Orca Condition Fuschia (with maybe just a touch of Seafoam) Warning" for Paradise and Vicinity. Fortunately, no orcas were harmed in the production of the Funilympics.

The initial event featured the 500-meter Individual Medley of Hors d'Oeuvres, won by Mr. Mitchell and Ms. Martin. Their medal-winning presentation made use of cherry tomatoes stuffed with guacamole and bacon, snow peas stuffed with crabmeat "and a few other things", and fresh figs wrapped with proscuitto. The dish was, appropriately enough, garnished with laurel branches. Their preparation was watched carefully by an official, Mr. Perina, who ensured that the ingredients were within Funilympic norms, although he was heard to comment that "There must be an easier way to put the crabmeat into the peas. Perhaps mussel shells would be helpful." It was pointed out that shells were only used in the 5000-meter Four-man Coxless Fish or Fowl event, but this only seemed to cause further confusion.

The medal for Cross-Country Biathlon Soup was taken away by Mr. Smith and Ms. MacIntosh, who served Chilled Blueberry Soup to an appreciative crowd. Mr. Smith showed evidence of his lack of training for this event, but Ms. MacIntosh came through unscathed. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for the pastry bag, which fell apart during the event and was taken away for drug testing (results were negative, which perhaps explains the demise of the bag).

At this point, politics intervened (as so often happens) in the judging. Mr. Mitchell brought out a copy of the Tallahassee Democrat for Moonday, July 21, 1969, with headlines about tainted judging in the controversial Artistic Merit portion of the Fish or Fowl Floor Exercise event (and something about astronauts, which was understandably discarded by the Funis). A good time was had by all comparing the price of fresh meat in 1969 to the present day, although some participants pointed out that buying "fresh" meat was a waste of time, money and effort. The price of groceries appears to have risen during the intervening years, but the market for "viands de la route" seems to have held steady.

The next event was Mr. Lemon and Ms. Whitman competing in the controversial (see above) Fish or Fowl Floor Exercise event, presenting their interpretation of chicken breasts stuffed with asparagus and bacon. In view of previous disputes, the judging of this event was observed carefully, and the award of the gold medal was deemed perfectly fair and aboveboard. The Lesbian Squid judge was previously disqualified, which may have helped. During this event, the playing field was shared with Mr. Flute and Ms. Murphy who competed in the Mixed Doubles Veggie category, successfully defending their Sugar Peas and Tomatoes Romana title before an appreciative crowd.

At some point, events were affected by torrential rains which, fortunately, had little effect on the indoor events. Kendra, one of the security officials, made an appearance to pick up a poncho so that she could maintain her vigil over the security of the events and participants. The Sailing events were cancelled due to the presence of excessive water.

The next event was the Team Salad Relay, won handily by Mr. and Mrs. Wood with their mixed Gillesian Fields greens, basil, mozzarelli (in place of boccacini), tomatoes and cucumbers in a dressing of Cretan olive oil and white balsamic vinegar. Several musical comments were made on the subject of "itsy bitsy teeny weeny mozzarelli boccacini", but somehow these did not make it into the official record; it appears that the olive oil may not have been the only Cretan in evidence.

At this point, the Funilympic Organizer Toastmaster (Mr. Flute) addressed the assembled hordes regarding the Sixth Annual Co-mingling of the Funis, an event that has been universally praised, and is fortunately not confined to even-numbered years (Non-Funi Olympic Organizers take note). The Toastmaster introduced Mr. Wood and asked him to give the audience an update on his recent tours of the world's wine areas and Funilympic training facilities. To his credit, although none of this had been pre-arranged, Mr. Wood proceeded to give an absorbing and informative summary of the wines of Austria (the area having been selected by the audience from the list of countries he had visited recently). Biggles had been fortunate enough to attend an Austrian Wine Festival at the Hofburg Palace in Vienna (previously the residence of the Hapsburg family, who also occupied a good deal of the rest of Europe). Mr. Perina and Mr. Wood spent several minutes discussing the proper pronunciation of "Schonbrunn" which, unfortunately, was far too subtle to be reproduced in text. For his excellent response to this challenge, Mr. Wood was awarded the Macleod Medal for Extemporaneous Speechifying. (The medal is a solid-gold reproduction of a high-tech wine bottle closure device [screw cap], finished to exactly reproduce the appearance of a screw cap from a bottle of Thunderbird. Mr. Wood will have to take extreme care not to discard this valuable and unique award in error.)

The next event was the 10-Meter Tower Synchronized Meat and Veg, featuring Mr. and Mrs. Gillis doing their Coeur de Boeuf in Marsala Sauce (a 7.5 degree of difficulty) and Mr. Flute and Ms. Murphy doing their Pan-sauteed Summer Squash with Swiss Chard topped with basil and fresh Shallots Paradisio (7.0 degree of difficulty). The Coeur de Boeuf had been marinated and slow cooked well in advance, and resulted in a "rip entry" into the assembled Funis, earning top points for this event. Unfortunately, the Swiss Chard was judged to be "floppy" on entering the belly, and while a medal was awarded as expected, the Flute-Murphy team will have to work on achieving a more rigid leafy vegetable for future events.

During the Meat and Veg Event, a toast was given to "the ladies who taught us to live life to the fullest", "Duckess" Mitchell and Julia Child.

The Sweet-Savoury Gymnastics Team Balance Beam Exercises were next, with the Gold captured by Mr. Perina and Ms. Caverzan for their pears poached in red wine, dried cherries Perina, and dried figs stewed in red wine and spices, served with chocolate gelato and biscotti. The medal was disputed since one of the pears, apparently still feeling the effects of the red wine, did not make a perfectly upright landing on the plate. Fortunately, attention was drawn away from this controversy by the simultaneous appearance of fresh fruit and an assortment of cheeses, breads and crackers, resulting in the ability of the participants to resolve the "sweet or savoury" debacle in their own preferred way. The Savoury Silver Medal was captured by Mr. Smith and Ms. MacIntosh.

During the Dessert Event, a toast was given to "the Lairds of Burnbrae", our gracious hosts for this 6th annual Funilympic gathering.

This being the last night before the final event, celebrations and competitions among the superbly trained Funi athletes continued into the wee hours, amid minor competitions centred around Cross-Country Liqueur Sipping, Synchronized Brandy Quaffing and Rum Power Lifting. Late arrival Paul Jones and his companions were invited to join in these events, making it a competition between Youthful Exuberance and Seasoned Experience.

The Games finished the following morning with the traditional Cross-Country Breakfast Marathon, run from the historic Kitchen venue and ending in the packed Dining Room before a crowd assembled for the closing ceremonies. Mr. Bagg and Ms. Conrad took the medal for this event, with their Scrambled Eggs, Baked Ham, Smoked Sausages, Fruit Cocktail, Tea Biscuits and Blueberry Scones. Fortunately, although the Funis emerged victorious, no-one dropped dead after making that announcement. The Funilympics ended peacefully with the extinguishing of the Gas Stove Torch and the lowering of the Dish Towel Flag as the athletes gradually made their departures.