Dinner 2001 - The Strange Case of M. Grenouille |
Wines and Treats |
| The whole thing started August 25, 2001 at Burnbrae, the posh residence of Bruce and Debbie Gillis, located in Paradise, in the Annapolis Valley (just East of Eden). A number of friends had been invited to spend the weekend and share some fine food, fine wines, and fine company. But, by the end of the weekend, one of them would not be returning home. The affair was billed as a gathering of the "Funipendulous Society of Nova Scotia Logotechnicians", a group of ne'er-do-wells famous for their inebriated carousings and well known for their ability to talk anyone to death. But sometimes it went beyond mere talk. In previous years, one of the Society's peripheral hangers-on, known popularly as "Orca", had evidently offended one of the Funi Brothers at some point during the evening's festivities. The next morning, he was found dead by the pool. Despite repeated attempts at artificial respiration (at least, it looked like the Kiss of Life), Orca was never again to be seen at a gathering of the Funis. Rumours had it that his shriveled, lifeless body was buried somewhere, or perhaps carted off to a local landfill, ignominiously wrapped in a green garbage bag. Present for this occasion were Bruce and Debbie Gillis, the local "lairds" and hosts for the weekend gathering. Peter Perina and Ann Caverzan had made the trip from their rural retreat just outside Mahone Bay, especially welcomed after their absence the previous year. Donald Mitchell and Rachel Martin had turned up, accompanied by the welcome presence of Rachel's cousin, Cynthia Anthony, visiting from Washington, DC, where she works as a representative of the American University in Cairo. David Smith and Clare MacIntosh were in attendance, with critical evidence of the "on-again, off-again" Funi Napkins that had been featured in past discussions (see "Is This A Napkin That I See Before Me" and "Funi Ties That Bind" in previous reports). Robert Flute and Margaret Murphy arrived, driving a PT Cruiser that was not their own, blithely explaining it away as a "rental" car. This was not a very original explanation, as it had already been used by the Perina/Caverzan party for their Chrysler convertible, yet no suspicions were raised by their actions. Robert Bagg and Gay Conrad also arrived in a strange vehicle, but at least they offered the somewhat original explanation that it belonged to Bob's mother. Finally, Sean and Jody Wood pulled in (in their usual car) with the explanation that Sean had just flown in from an Ontario wine tasting. This engendered the usual "and boy, is my palate tired!" comments about "Biggles" claims of exhaustion. Noticeable by their absence were David Lemon and Patricia Whitman, and Greig and Linda Macleod, who sent their apologies. Although explanations were offered, in retrospect one has to wonder whether they had some premonition or warning of the grisly events that were to occur later on. * * * The afternoon was passed with general relaxation, the occasional beer (1.8 Standard Australian Drinks) by the pool, and the odd game of tennis. During this time, M. Grenouille was spotted at least twice, swimming contentedly in the pool. He was in good health at the time. Slight interruptions were overheard from the urban delinquents from Camp Hillis, the former estate next door, but these proved to be minor in nature. The planned events of the evening began at roughly 7:15, when the participants gathered near the pool for hors d'oeuvres served by Mr. Perina and Ms. Caverzan. These consisted of French Country Pate and Red Bell Pepper Terrine, served with Tarragon Pickles and French Dark Rye Bread.Following the hors d'oeuvres and group pictures (M. Grenouille not apparent), the dinner moved inside, at which point Mr. Mitchell (who had been named Chairman pro tem in the absence of Mr. Macleod) tried to settle the guests into their places at the table. The seating plan was simple: alternate "boy-girl" around the table, and couples should not sit adjacently. This was subsequently expanded to include the groupings of smokers and non-smokers, drinkers and non-drinkers, males, females, lesbians and gays. The ensuing confusion consumed 15 minutes. Among the Funis and spouses there must be at least 30 university degrees (including post-graduate), and they can't sort out who sits where at the dinner table. How do those with lesser credentials ever manage it? Ms. Murphy and Mr. Flute were simultaneously preparing their soup course. Once all parties had eventually been seated, serving of the soup began. This was immediately complicated by the swinging door effect, and the consequences of Flute's Law were put to the test: two people can't go in opposite directions through a swinging door at the same time. This led to Mr. Flute's second change of clothes for the evening. The soup was Valley Roasted Red Pepper Soup with Lemon Cream, and it looked extremely attractive, so long as it was kept on a horizontal plane. The soup was served without the possible garnish of Julienned Snow Peas. Following the soup, the preparation of the Fish course commenced. At this point, there were some complaints heard from Lady Biggles, to the effect that she was forced to prepare the vegetables while Lord Biggles was acting as wine steward, and therefore unavailable for the task that had been nominally assigned to him. Mr. Flute and Ms. Murphy pitched in again on this course, preparing fresh pan-seared Digby Bay Scallops with a Satay Lemon Sauce. The accompanying Woodsian veggies (see above) were Beans and Snow Peas (again, not Julienned, but possibly Cyriled.) No pants were mistreated during the making of this course. The salad course, prepared by Mr. and Ms. Gillis, was Yellow and Red Tomatoes in chive oil (fresh picked chives, simmered in olive oil and pureed), served on a borage leaf with basil bits (not Julienned), topped with a borage flower, all components provided from the Gillis Garden. Following the salad, conversations broke out all over the table. Your Obedient Servant was called on to note that there was discussion of Jerome, the legless man who showed up on the Nova Scotia Coast (note that this should be distinct from Jerome, the legless giraffe who showed up at the Friendly Giant's window). Also discussed was the military career of Queen's Own Biggles. This worthy veteran of the 2nd Battalion, Queen's Own Rifles (if they're her own rifles, why doesn't she carry them herself?) was in the midst of recounting harrowing tales of pitched battle, when he was rudely interrupted by Mr. Flute, who had somehow managed to mangle his fingers in the kitchen screen door. Ms. Caverzan was concerned that Mr. Perina, in his zeal at describing what had happened, was in danger of "wetting himself", by which we (of course) assume that he was somehow handling copious amounts of water in too-small containers. Mr. Flute's reasons for being on the outside of the kitchen screen door were never explored. Mr. Mitchell called on Mr. Perina to introduce the jet-lagged Mr. Wood, who provided the table with a summary of his trip to Australia. He seems to have been inordinately fond of the plumbing "Down Under", with tales of sink stoppers and variable-flush toilets abounding (the tales were abounding, not the toilets; those were mercifully stable). Brother Biggles admired the architecture of all things Australian, and this was soundly reinforced by Lady B, who described the kangaroos as "plentiful", the birds as "colourful" and Aussie men as "manly". Tales were told of the fine restaurants, where you could bring your own bottle of Australian wine to enjoy with your meal which included kangaroo, sampled by the Woods and pronounced satisfactory. Time was spent with Sean's Aunt Vera, who went with them on a visit to the Tyrrell Wineries and occupied her time trying to clean up the wine stains that she discovered there. Vera also planned outings for the time Sean and Jody were in her area (referred to as "brass monkey season" in Queensland), and was heard at one point to ask Jody, "How do you deal with him?". Ah, but that is probably a topic better left to another occasion, and a venue with lots and lots of room and very little breakable furniture. Mr. Bagg and Ms. Conrad prepared the next course, a Meat Loaf made of ground veal, pork and lamb, mixed with spices, garlic, tamarind, Kobe sauce, honey and teriyaki, topped with a portobello mushroom and port sauce. The Wood vegetables (again, see above for notes on who prepared the veggies) were mini new potatoes served with chives (Julienned, according to Lady B), and aubergine slices with tomatoes, topped with lemon, parmesan, basil and tarragon. Following the meat course, there was the typical discussion and ferment over whether the savoury or the sweet course should be served next. One of these days, the situation will become even more confusing, when one of the Funis prepares a cheese souffle for dessert. On this occasion, the discussion was eventually overridden when the dessert arrived before the cheeses had been located. Mr. Smith and Ms. MacIntosh served freshly-baked Filo Chocolate Purses on a Raspberry Coulis, with a dab of whipped cream and an oversized fresh cherry on the side. Eventually the cheeses were located and brought forth, accompanied by the usual port and liqueurs. The sole complaint came from Ms. MacIntosh, who stated that Mr. Mitchell had robbed her of her cherry - a statement hotly disputed by Mr. Smith. In the late hours of the evening (or perhaps the early hours of the morning), Mr. Flute appeared in yet another change of clothing, saying that he had somehow gotten the third outfit wet while helping Debbie put the insulating cover on the pool. "I just followed the light", he said, in a tale reminiscent of near-death experiences perhaps foreshadowing the next day's discoveries. * * * Comes the dawn* * * ...and Mr. Perina, out for an early morning dip in the Concrete Pond, is horrified to discover the body of M. Grenouille, face up on the bottom of the fishpond, evidently the victim of foul play at some time during the previous evening. The authorities were called, and the body taken away for forensic analysis. The body was cold, but that may not have been significant, as M. Grenouille was never known for his hot-blooded nature. Nevertheless, the incident put a pall over the morning that could only be dispelled by a hearty Australian breakfast, courtesy of Mr. Mitchell and Ms. Martin, with the able assistance of Mr. Perina and almost everyone else, at one stage or another. Breakfast consisted of three types of orange juice, bacon, three types of sausage (apple, sun-dried tomato, and regular English bangers), English muffins, Julian's (not Julienned) bread, hash-browned potatoes, mushrooms and onions sautéed in butter and cognac, scrambled eggs, all washed down with pink sparkling wine. INVESTIGATOR'S NOTES The abundance of clues, suspects, motives and opportunities, combined with the general dissipation and copious amounts of wine, mean that virtually anyone could have been involved in the demise of M. Grenouille.
Yours truly, |
1 btl 1990 Huxelrebe Rheinhessen Beerenauslese (Germany) 2 btl 1996 Woodbridge Zinfandel (California) 1 btl 1994 Lungarotti Cabernet Sauvignon di Torgiano (Italy) 1 btl Samos Muscat (Greece) 2 btl 1999 Hardy's Nottage Hill Cabernet Sauvignon Shiraz (Australia) 2 btl 1998 Houghton Wildflower Ridge Shiraz (Australia) 3 btl 1999 Montes Chardonnay (Chile) 1 btl 2000 Cono Sur Rapel Valley Chardonnay (Chile) 1 btl 2000 KWV Chenin Blanc (South Africa) 2 btl 2000 Lindeman's Bin 95 Sauvignon Blanc (Australia) 1 btl 2000 Vieu Manent Sauvignon Blanc (Chile) 1 btl 2000 Jintilee Chardonnay (Australia) 1 btl 2000 Mezza Corona Pinot Grigio Trentino (Italy) 1 btl 1999 Woodbridge Sauvignon Blanc (California) 1 btl 1995 Delaforce Late Bottled Vintage Port (Portugal) 3 btl Freixenet (Spain)
Images
Click to see a picture of the complete group of dinner attendees beside the pool
Click to see a picture of a part of the group
Click to see a group of the diners
...but... Careful investigation of the "Dinner Table" photo showed that it had been digitally manipulated in an effort to conceal a part of the image. The photo was processed through a restoration program, revealing the critical missing portion of the picture.
Sounds
Click to hear a recorded comment from M. Grenouille (and associates) during the "around the pool" pre-dinner session
Click to hear M. Grenouille during happier times
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